Sunday, August 29, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
a sleepless summer
this summer has been one of the most static and dynamic summers i've ever had. for the first time in over 4 years, i wasn't constantly surrounded by people. i've spent the majority of the past several months absolutely on my own, rarely talking to my friends and seeing them even less, spending minimal time with my parents and sister because we're each so caught up in our own schedules... im an extrovert by nature and usually need people around me, or i start feeling panicky. this rather quiet summer has challenged me in a way i've never been before.
i always thought i was mentally and physically strong. i ran in high school all three seasons for all four years. in college, i trained for and ran the boston marathon. i was a double major on the pre-med track. whenever a run was tough, or classes got hard, i always told myself "just one more step." what if every time you get tired, you take just one more step, and then another...? that was my mindset for as long as i can remember. having finished the marathon under 4.5 hours and graduated with both my majors in tact, i thought i could handle anything that life flung my way. this past summer has challenged this mentality.
i spent the past 90-some odd days studying for the mcat. 10-14+ hours a day, every day, six days a week, all summer. i did the same thing every day for the past 3 months, which is not to say i have not accomplished much. i have done more than i thought i could. i'll be taking my mcat in about 1.5 weeks and i feel as ready for the test as i could hope to feel. but, i also feel emotionally drained. very little part of me wants to take another step in any direction.
this summer, i've learned both the price and reward of more sacrifice, discipline, and focus than i've ever had to muster before. i've learned to be on my own, both emotionally and physically. i've learned that a lot of things are hard, like studying for 100 days, or having to put med school on hold, or being awake at night trying not to think about how lonely 4am feels. tonight is yet another sleepless night with too many thoughts and not enough energy to parse them out.
tomorrow is orientation for grad school. i take the mcat next week. i start classes the week after that. goodbye, college. hello to the rest of my life. for the first time in my life, i'm not sure what comes next. i suppose i'm lucky to be having so many firsts and lessons all in one summer. i just hope life gives me a little rest. just for a bit.
i always thought i was mentally and physically strong. i ran in high school all three seasons for all four years. in college, i trained for and ran the boston marathon. i was a double major on the pre-med track. whenever a run was tough, or classes got hard, i always told myself "just one more step." what if every time you get tired, you take just one more step, and then another...? that was my mindset for as long as i can remember. having finished the marathon under 4.5 hours and graduated with both my majors in tact, i thought i could handle anything that life flung my way. this past summer has challenged this mentality.
i spent the past 90-some odd days studying for the mcat. 10-14+ hours a day, every day, six days a week, all summer. i did the same thing every day for the past 3 months, which is not to say i have not accomplished much. i have done more than i thought i could. i'll be taking my mcat in about 1.5 weeks and i feel as ready for the test as i could hope to feel. but, i also feel emotionally drained. very little part of me wants to take another step in any direction.
this summer, i've learned both the price and reward of more sacrifice, discipline, and focus than i've ever had to muster before. i've learned to be on my own, both emotionally and physically. i've learned that a lot of things are hard, like studying for 100 days, or having to put med school on hold, or being awake at night trying not to think about how lonely 4am feels. tonight is yet another sleepless night with too many thoughts and not enough energy to parse them out.
tomorrow is orientation for grad school. i take the mcat next week. i start classes the week after that. goodbye, college. hello to the rest of my life. for the first time in my life, i'm not sure what comes next. i suppose i'm lucky to be having so many firsts and lessons all in one summer. i just hope life gives me a little rest. just for a bit.
Friday, August 20, 2010
plc's (poor life choices)
last night, i had a hard time sleeping (again). i've been taking about 6-9mgs of melatonin almost every night for the past week, and decided that it wasn't such a hot idea to keep taking it to fall asleep. instead, i decided to reread harry potter... PLC. i ended up reading half of it and staying up till 4am ish anyway. oy. -__- hahahaha oh well. at least i got some good reading in ^. ^
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Thursday, August 5, 2010
that's what you call a champ
my friends play a game of pickup soccer in the fields just outside town almost every night. i had a day off from studying yesterday and thought it would be fun to join them. about ten minutes into the game, i get a soccer ball to the face. it wasnt a glancing blow, either. it wasn't on one side of my face, it wasn't off my head; it was a full-on, square hit to my FACE. the guy who kicked it was one of the stronger kickers and all of my friends thought i broke my nose. i got a massive bloody nose and there was blood everywhere; gushing down my face, my arms, collecting into a pool in the grass. awesome.
so here's a slow-mo breakdown of what happened:
the kid (i dont remember his name because i had just met him that night), we'll call him frank, had the ball and was coming down the field. there was no one around, so i stayed on him, trying to guard him. we were running parallel to the goal, so that it was to my and frank's right. i was between frank and the goal when he cut behind me and to my right, i instantly swiveled, to position myself back between him and goal, when BAM! HIT IN THE FACE. apparently, frank did not know about my cat-like reflexes and swivel-on-a-dime-ability and took a shot as soon as he cut, as soon as i turned (which, btw, was not that great a shot, if it lifted 5 feet in the air within 3 feet of his kick). after the initial shock, i rallied while some of my friends came running over to check that i was okay. i felt something warm and wet on my lip. i figured it must be sweat as it was ridiculously humid out, but when i went to wipe it away and looked at my hand, it looked like i had murdered someone. my entire hand and forearm were covered in blood. i immediately bent forward to avoid dripping blood all over myself. my friend, amanda, luckily had an old sheet in her car and we used it to soak up the blood that was now gushing out of my nose. the blood wouldnt stop, so we had to drive into town to get some ice. we came back, and i put ice on the back of my neck to stop my bloody nose, which at this point had slowed to the flow of a small geyser. when the blood finally stopped (and i could no longer feel the back of my neck save for the piercing pain from the cold), i cleaned myself up, went back in the game, and played even more awesome defense.
unstoppable.
so here's a slow-mo breakdown of what happened:
the kid (i dont remember his name because i had just met him that night), we'll call him frank, had the ball and was coming down the field. there was no one around, so i stayed on him, trying to guard him. we were running parallel to the goal, so that it was to my and frank's right. i was between frank and the goal when he cut behind me and to my right, i instantly swiveled, to position myself back between him and goal, when BAM! HIT IN THE FACE. apparently, frank did not know about my cat-like reflexes and swivel-on-a-dime-ability and took a shot as soon as he cut, as soon as i turned (which, btw, was not that great a shot, if it lifted 5 feet in the air within 3 feet of his kick). after the initial shock, i rallied while some of my friends came running over to check that i was okay. i felt something warm and wet on my lip. i figured it must be sweat as it was ridiculously humid out, but when i went to wipe it away and looked at my hand, it looked like i had murdered someone. my entire hand and forearm were covered in blood. i immediately bent forward to avoid dripping blood all over myself. my friend, amanda, luckily had an old sheet in her car and we used it to soak up the blood that was now gushing out of my nose. the blood wouldnt stop, so we had to drive into town to get some ice. we came back, and i put ice on the back of my neck to stop my bloody nose, which at this point had slowed to the flow of a small geyser. when the blood finally stopped (and i could no longer feel the back of my neck save for the piercing pain from the cold), i cleaned myself up, went back in the game, and played even more awesome defense.
unstoppable.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
back for round 2!
tried tumblr, but it had too many limitations (commenting, size of pics allowed to upload, etc.)
i've been studying all summer like a madwoman for the mcat. today is day 69 of my 100-day plan! almost there!
currently on repeat: shooting stars by bag raiders
i've been studying all summer like a madwoman for the mcat. today is day 69 of my 100-day plan! almost there!
currently on repeat: shooting stars by bag raiders
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