silly exams

i'd much rather be on my way to a victorian era christmas party than studying for my neuro final...

up side down

now that finals are winding down, time to read more and get some new perspective

ponderings during finals

where do all the lost things go? like bobby pins, pairless socks, and chapstick? do they all go the the same place or do they wander around separately??? O.o

calm before the storm

chilly weather = warm cup of tea, a science article, and this song on repeat ^. ^

struggling.

IT'S GETTING COLDER!!!

as long as it’s cold, it needs to snow

SKI SEASON SOON!!!!

stuck? not this time!

i feel like a growing number of people that i know are discontent with the current conditions of their lives. 

i think this discontent is silly, especially considering how  young we are. yes, yes, yes, we’re over 20 OMG blah blah blah. we’re barely 1/4 through our lives. WAKE UP, PEOPLE! everything you do/are is a decision. if you’re not happy, you’re not stuck, not this early in the game. 

maybe im being naive, but i think at our age, no one is stuck, just afraid.

zombies o.O

i've been noticing, via internet and tv, that the number of people dressing up (very realistically, i might add) as zombies has been steadily increasing over the past few years. there are zombie parades, parties, and conventions being held in the streets and other such public arenas. im going to say that this is the WORST IDEA EVER.

(source: Time Magazine online)

the general public is getting desensitized to zombies, as shown above.  THIS IS UNACCEPTABLE.  that woman on the bench should NOT be sitting there, bemused by the zombie reaching for her shoulder; she should be SPRINTING in the other direction to either a) find a weapon to kill it, or b) warn the non-zombified people while there's still time.  should this pattern of nonchalance towards zombies continue, when the real zombie apocalypse happens, no one's going to realize until it's too late; everyone'll just think it's another zombie-dress-up-extravaganza.  this zombie dress up trend is starting to turn into the whole boy who cried wolf story, and it will only end in the annihilation of the human species.

in short: the next time you or a friend wants to dress up as a zombie for fun, please think about the consequences of your actions and reconsider.

post-grad musings

im starting to see the frettings of the college seniors on facebook, and im kind of amused.  i remember exactly those feelings of not wanting to leave the safe, cozy nest of undergrad life: the fear, anxiety, and excitement.  now, on the other side, it's funny to see those same feelings in others, smile, and think that it's not so bad on this side of commencement.  i think senior year is so pivotal if only because it proves that letting go may be the scariest thing to do and, at the same time, the only way to move forward.

im currently feeling the forward movement in my life very distinctly. granted, it's not the most fun i've ever had, but i actually feel myself growing up and doing things that are directly bringing me closer to my goals and dreams.

that being said, i still miss college and would go back in a heartbeat.

awesom possum

today, i am awesome.

(just like every other day ^. ^)

season of change

it has come to my attention that a lot of people that i care about are currently struggling emotionally, physically, mentally, and/or spiritually. please buck up. don't forget your blessings, and nothing can render you hopeless except yourself.  

the small things in life

last night, i was doing laundry.  i was matching up my socks when i found that i was MISSING one.  i had lost yet another sock to the land of cottony no return!!! i was slightly miffed as it was one of  my good running socks.

i then relocated my laundry from the laundry room to my room to put my things away, when AVAST! LOST SOCK MYSTERIOUSLY RETURNED!! i was so excited to be able to match my socks up!  it was like someone you thought gone forever showing up, not on your doorstep, but in your kitchen making you a pot of tea!

it's possible that i am happy beyond reason regarding my found lost sock.  some days, it really is about the little things in life :)

IT WORKED!

ASLEEP BY 2AM AND AWAKE, REFRESHED, AT 10AM!

yes, yesterday was terrriibblleee, at times painful, but it was worth it! i am back on a normal sleep schedule!
now all i have to do is maintain it.... o.O hahahaha easy peasy lemon squeezy!

this better work...im running out of ideas!

(image from somewhere on the internet that i forgot to write down...in fact, i dont note where i get most of my images. a bad habit i am currently addressing)

before this past summer, I have never had a problem falling and/or staying asleep.  in fact, i used to be able to sleep anywhere.  


unfortunately, since around late may/early june of this year, i've been suffering from some pretty awful insomnia.  at first, i would go to bed around midnight and toss and turn until 3 or 4 in the morning maybe 4 times a week.  after a while, i would wake up later (around 10/11am instead of my usual 8/9am), and due to my study schedule of 10-14 hours of studying a day, i stopped running.  because i didnt run, my body was never tired and my insomnia worsened.  

fast forward to recent months. my insomnia is getting better...i think.  i have trouble falling asleep maybe twice a week, but stay up until 6/7am when i do.  i then messed up my sleeping pattern even further this past weekend when i was a counselor for my church's youth group lock-in.  staying up all night was NOT a smart move. 

which brings me to tonight! i went to bed exhausted at 7pm and woke up at 1am, and plan to stay awake until midnight tonight! said plan gives me a 23 hour day on 6 hours of sleep. if all goes well, i will go to bed exhausted around midnight and wake up around 8/9am, and thus return myself to a healthy sleeping pattern!!!! 

waiting

waiting for my mcat score to be released. it could be anytime this week. absolute limbo right now... blerg xP

wordless, not speechless

          
wonderful writing weather today, but it's currently more pressing for me to study for my upcoming neuroscience test. oh well. either way, im learning ^. ^

back to work! ^. ^

i havent really been studying since i took the mcat. i know i’ve been in school for 3 weeks, but there’re no written assignments for grad classes apparently. only tests ^. ^ hahaha i have my first test next thursday in neuroscience (which is my hardest class)! time to hit the books once again! to be honest, i really do like studying and im a little excited to be getting back into school work ^. ^

as an update on my last post regarding my free time, i’m reteaching myself spanish and teaching myself french.  the spanish is coming along fine as i used to be fairly comfortable with it before i got out of practice. im learning french from scratch, so to speak, and WOW it’s freaking hard! hahaha ^. ^ but i am learning it slowly, but surely… more slowly than surely, but definitely both in some sense!

post-mcat

it's been 2 weeks to the day since i took my mcat, and i've been trying to catch up on the fun stuff in my life. last week, i went down the shore and shopping with my mom and sister (i got a new burberry trench! ^. ^). this week, i went into the city and went to dinner and a show with my sister. we saw american idiot (the new musical using greenday's music). despite a rather weak, in my opinion, storyline, it was really fun and the theatrics/visuals were really exciting to watch. classes have been keeping me fairly busy, but now that im getting into the groove of school and life without the mcat, im finding myself with a LOT of extra time on my hands. o.O hehe ^. ^ i've been thinking about getting a job, but im not sure if i want to do that just yet (i have the rest of my life to work!). i think in the meantime, i'll be on the hunt for some new hobbies...or maybe return to some old, almost-forgotten ones ^. ^ I LOVE FINDING NEW THINGS I LIKE!!!

FREEDDOMM!!!

i took the mcat friday!!! im even more nervous now that it's over and everything is completely out of my hands. it's a worse feeling now that there's nothing i can do that would affect my score in any way o.O
nothing to do now except wait. blerg xP

in the mean time, back to classes and more conventional studying. ergo: more play time ^. ^ woot!

mcat on friday

a sleepless summer

this summer has been one of the most static and dynamic summers i've ever had. for the first time in over 4 years, i wasn't constantly surrounded by people. i've spent the majority of the past several months absolutely on my own, rarely talking to my friends and seeing them even less, spending minimal time with my parents and sister because we're each so caught up in our own schedules... im an extrovert by nature and usually need people around me, or i start feeling panicky.  this rather quiet summer has challenged me in a way i've never been before.

i always thought i was mentally and physically strong.  i ran in high school all three seasons for all four years. in college, i trained for and ran the boston marathon.  i was a double major on the pre-med track.  whenever a run was tough, or classes got hard, i always told myself "just one more step."  what if every time you get tired, you take just one more step, and then another...? that was my mindset for as long as i can remember.  having finished the marathon under 4.5 hours and graduated with both my majors in tact, i thought i could handle anything that life flung my way.  this past summer has challenged this mentality.

i spent the past 90-some odd days studying for the mcat. 10-14+ hours a day, every day, six days a week, all summer. i did the same thing every day for the past 3 months, which is not to say i have not accomplished much.  i have done more than i thought i could.  i'll be taking my mcat in about 1.5 weeks and i feel as ready for the test as i could hope to feel.  but, i also feel emotionally drained.  very little part of me wants to take another step in any direction.

this summer, i've learned both the price and reward of more sacrifice, discipline, and focus than i've ever had to muster before. i've learned to be on my own, both emotionally and physically.  i've learned that a lot of things are hard, like studying for 100 days, or having to put med school on hold, or being awake at night trying not to think about how lonely 4am feels.  tonight is yet another sleepless night with too many thoughts and not enough energy to parse them out.

tomorrow is orientation for grad school. i take the mcat next week. i start classes the week after that.  goodbye, college. hello to the rest of my life.  for the first time in my life, i'm not sure what comes next. i suppose i'm lucky to be having so many firsts and lessons all in one summer.  i just hope life gives me a little rest. just for a bit.

plc's (poor life choices)

last night, i had a hard time sleeping (again).  i've been taking about 6-9mgs of melatonin almost every night for the past week, and decided that it wasn't such a hot idea to keep taking it to fall asleep.  instead, i decided to reread harry potter... PLC. i ended up reading half of it and staying up till 4am ish anyway. oy. -__- hahahaha oh well. at least i got some good reading in ^. ^

a most welcome break from my insomnia

finally got a good night's sleep. game on.

that's what you call a champ

my friends play a game of pickup soccer in the fields just outside town almost every night. i had a day off from studying yesterday and thought it would be fun to join them. about ten minutes into the game, i get a soccer ball to the face. it wasnt a glancing blow, either. it wasn't on one side of my face, it wasn't off my head; it was a full-on, square hit to my FACE. the guy who kicked it was one of the stronger kickers and all of my friends thought i broke my nose. i got a massive bloody nose and there was blood everywhere; gushing down my face, my arms, collecting into a pool in the grass. awesome.

so here's a slow-mo breakdown of what happened:
the kid (i dont remember his name because i had just met him that night), we'll call him frank, had the ball and was coming down the field. there was no one around, so i stayed on him, trying to guard him. we were running parallel to the goal, so that it was to my and frank's right. i was between frank and the goal when he cut behind me and to my right, i instantly swiveled, to position myself back between him and goal, when BAM! HIT IN THE FACE. apparently, frank did not know about my cat-like reflexes and swivel-on-a-dime-ability and took a shot as soon as he cut, as soon as i turned (which, btw, was not that great a shot, if it lifted 5 feet in the air within 3 feet of his kick). after the initial shock, i rallied while some of my friends came running over to check that i was okay. i felt something warm and wet on my lip. i figured it must be sweat as it was ridiculously humid out, but when i went to wipe it away and looked at my hand, it looked like i had murdered someone. my entire hand and forearm were covered in blood. i immediately bent forward to avoid dripping blood all over myself. my friend, amanda, luckily had an old sheet in her car and we used it to soak up the blood that was now gushing out of my nose. the blood wouldnt stop, so we had to drive into town to get some ice. we came back, and i put ice on the back of my neck to stop my bloody nose, which at this point had slowed to the flow of a small geyser. when the blood finally stopped (and i could no longer feel the back of my neck save for the piercing pain from the cold), i cleaned myself up, went back in the game, and played even more awesome defense.

unstoppable.

back for round 2!

tried tumblr, but it had too many limitations (commenting, size of pics allowed to upload, etc.)

i've been studying all summer like a madwoman for the mcat. today is day 69 of my 100-day plan! almost there!


currently on repeat: shooting stars by bag raiders